within the past 6 months (183 days, 26 weeks, or 262974 minutes),
i have learned to memorize the way you taste when your lips touch mine and how to detect whether you are happy or angry or sad just by the sound of your voice. i know exactly how many freckles have plagued your body and exactly where they are placed. i learned this during my sleepless nights intertwined in your arms. my favorites are the 3 tiny ones diagonally sprinkled on the right side of your neck. i have also learned that once you fall asleep, you breathe heaviest in increments of 8. i have learned exactly how to piss you off and how to cheer you up when things aren’t in place. i have learned how to tell when you do and do not want 2 sugars in your black coffee- 2 each morning and 1 when you are running low on sugar. i have learned your two super dorky middle names, your sisters name, your brothers name, and your bestfriends name. i have learned all of these things and each day i strive to learn more.
i have memorized your reasons for loving me and that is that there are no reasons- just that you just feel it in all 248 of your limbs. i have learned that you can be mean and controlling with me when you aren’t sober and though i hate it, it will never make me love you any less. i hate when you are upset with me, i hate it when you turn to face the other way when we sleep because you are mad at me. i refuse to let you fall asleep with doubts about us on your mind because i know all too well how that shit will haunt you. i hate when you make me feel like i am invisible. my love, i know you need space sometimes but you don’t need to make me feel like i am not a part of your life. mostly, i hate how vulnerable i am because of you but i accept it because though you make me weak, you make me the strongest i’ve ever been.